By Sally Hughes, Melbourne Marriage Celebrant
If I had to do it all again, I wouldn’t change a single thing…
Yep, Kylie’s late eighties chart topper sprang to mind the moment I sat down to write this blog. While we know the pop princess wasn’t singing about her wedding day (insert sad face here), it’s something I hope you’ll sing from the rafters after yours.
When your big day is done and dusted and you’re sitting on a beach sipping mojitos and margaritas, reliving your celebration with your significant other, I hope you both agree that every single choice you made was spot on. I’m pleased to say that this tends to be the case with almost every couple I work with. Perhaps it’s because I attract easy going couples who trust me to do what I do best and who are open to advice. However, on occasion I run into married folk who tell me that if they had their day again, they might change a thing or two.
And so I thought I’d list the six most common wedding day regrets, as shared with me over the past decade..
1. We regret not hiring a videographer
Hands down, this is the regret I hear most. And for the record, it’s the only thing I would have changed about my wedding day. To be fair, when I walked down the aisle in 2006 social media wasn’t anywhere near as big as it is now. Insta didn’t exist, nor did those wonderful two minute highlight reels. Heck, Photoshop was a very expensive optional extra, so the hideous powerlines that feature in some of our portraits sadly remain. But I digress. My point is, back then we thought photography would be enough and relegated videography to the “if the budget allows” category.
However, if I could go back in time I’d make sure our wedding was filmed so I could show my daughters footage of their mummy walking down the aisle giggling, of their daddy’s voice cracking when we exchanged vows, of our friends singing musical theatre songs during the certificate signing, and of our guests carving up the dance floor before an eight piece swing band.
And so, if you can, compromise on your floral centrepieces, ditch the expensive cuff links, earrings and engraved invitations and hire a videographer. In ten years’ time, you won’t care about the styling as much as you will reliving the words, music and emotion during one of the happiest days of your life.
Chloe + Jake’s emotional exchange of vows at Mon Bijou. Captured by Jerome Cole.
2. We regret not hiring a professional photographer
Just because you’re a chilled-out, easy going couple who want a simple and low-key ceremony (you’re fab!), it doesn’t mean you should neglect having it captured professionally. Even though you both sound like you have your priorities in check, I bet you’ve splashed a reasonable amount of cash on outfits, hair and make up and I guarantee that you’ll be emotionally invested in your day. Whether you’re hosting a 150 person bash or opting for an intimate elopement, you’ll want great photos. So please, don’t ask a friend who dabbles in photography. Hire a pro!
Chloe + Jake at Mon Bijou ceremony. Captured by Jerome Cole. Wow!
When I hear, “We’re thinking of asking our friend to take the photos. He has a pretty good camera…”, I worry. Does your friend (let’s call him Larry) know how to work in poorly-lit venues? Does Larry know how ceremonies play out, and therefore where to quickly position himself during the key moments? Does Larry know not to take those cheesy mood-killing posed photos during the certificate signing, but rather, read the play during the ceremony and know when to photograph you and when to photograph the crowd? And let’s not overlook the possibility that Larry may not want to do it, but is too polite to decline your offer of working for several hours while everyone else is having fun. It’s a big ask. The pressure would be huge for a novice photographer. At least it should be.
3. We regret not having an unplugged ceremony
For the past decade I’ve found that asking guests to put their cameras, phones and other distracting devices away in order to fully participate in the ceremony has been a rapidly growing trend. The motivation is twofold; the experience for all present (the couple and guests alike) and the quality of the photos and footage.
Imagine walking down the aisle and not being able to make eye contact with some of your guests.
Imagine standing at the top of the aisle during the processional and having your view blocked by gran, who’s standing in front of you with a cheap digital camera, attempting to take a sub-standard photo. (I call it “aisle-creep” and it happens all the time!)
Imagine receiving your photos and discovering pictures that would have been amazing but for an arm or a selfie stick in the aisle, or a guest who’s looking at his/her lap, checking how good their iPhone photo looks.
Commit to 30 minutes of true guest interaction and to helping the pros do their best work. Guests can snap away for hours afterwards and hey, you can even pose with them!
All eyes are on Kristina at Stones of the Yarra Valley. Captured by Theodore & Co
No cameras in sight at Kristina + John’s ceremony. Captured by Theodore & Co
4. We regret having our ceremony outside… in Melbourne… in Winter.
This is closely followed by, “We regret having our ceremony outside… in Melbourne… in Summer.”
Doesn’t it sound like a recipe for disaster? OK, I’m being a tad dramatic, but given how reliably interchangeable Melbourne weather is at any time of year, please don’t just “hope for the best” when planning the biggest social event of your lives. If you know the mercury is going to hit 30 degrees, or if the chance of rain rain is high, please hire a marquee. Wishful thinking and half a dozen market umbrellas will not do the trick!
Better still, bite the bullet and move the ceremony indoors! All the hard work you and your celebrant will have dedicated to creating an entertaining and meaningful ceremony can be somewhat wasted when guests are distracted by a constant “Hurry up, I’m melting” or “Hurry up, I’m fuh-reeeeezing” thought. Looking out onto a sea of people with their arms crossed, trying to keep warm, or watching people apologetically walk away from the ceremony space to find shade is disheartening. I may need to cut parts of the ceremony if I feel I’m losing them, which would be a big shame.
Remember, guests will always remember how they felt during your ceremony. No one wants their ceremony to be remembered as “the one that was so cold we almost froze” or “the one where it was so hot, someone fainted”. Aim for a “that’s the best ceremony I’ve ever experienced!” feeling.
When ‘Plan B’ doesn’t cut it. Image by Jason Kaczorowski
5. We regret not thinking enough about our Plan B location.
It’s imperative that you know at the time of booking your ceremony suppliers whether your ceremony location and time could change if you revert to a plan B location.
Whenever I receive an enquiry for a ceremony in a Heritage Listed garden - the Carlton Gardens for example (where marquees are not permitted), i’ll always ask the couple to confirm their alternative ceremony venue and time. If you need to move your 3:00 PM ceremony from a public garden to your indoor reception venue, keep in mind that, no matter how much notice you give, the reception venue manager might not allow you and your guests onsite until they can accomodate you, which is usually from around 5:00 PM.
If you’re marrying outdoors in Melbourne, talk to your celebrant, stylist, musicians and drivers and find out how flexible they can be on your wedding date. Unlike photographers and videographers, who are usually booked for a whole day, they’re usually booked for an agreed time.
6. We regret not having a photo with you.
Look, I do try to jump in during the certificate signing or interrupt your post ceremony snaps, but sometimes the light is fading or the rain is coming and I can sense that the photographer needs to get on with his/her work. If you want a pic with your celebrant (or anyone not staying on after the ceremony), let them and your photographer know that it’s important to you. If it’s important to you, I’ll definitely hover until it happens. Just ask Daniel and Elisha.
Interrupting Daniel + Elisha’s post ceremony portrait session with Briars Atlas at Zonzo Estate.
Remember, wedding day regrets can be avoided when you have an experienced and forward thinking celebrant, a realistic attitude and great suppliers on your team.
If there’s anything you would have done differently on your wedding day, please comment below!
Sally Hughes, Melbourne Celebrant
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